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Autor: Merriam A. Grain
Críticas a la lengua

Do you like Cinderella? Rocky? Angel densetsu? Spiderman[1]? Babe? A flew over the cuckoo’s nest?
… What the blood has Cinderella in common with Rocky? Cinderella won’t punch her stepsisters… New action live[2] Disney version? After all, right now, there are no good writers to create new fairy tales [wrong, they’re all busy drawing webtoon but since they’re a little too off the family topics[3]].
Before I continue nonsensing [a new verb adapted from chorrar, which is my favourite thing to do while writing and means to think nonsense], thou has to know this bity thing I’m sure you already know yet, it would be rude of me to assume. The Cinderella I’m speaking about is the pre Disney one. The one who has two BEAUTIFUL stepsisters instead of two ugly ones and an almond tree as godmother.
The Chinese remake by the Grimm brothers and Perrault? —have you read it in Ingliñol or Spanglish so you can leave me a taste of it? Isn’t there anything original out there? No. You can tell it your own way and spice it with paprika instead of black pepper but the potato is still the potato. So, let’s (you and I) analyze. Get uncomfortable in your wheeled chair and have the plot lay down on the couch. It needs Zoloft.
OUT OF LUCK
So to begin with: the main character is through a hit of fortune that has left them vulnerable and without rent, credit card nor car nor job. So to speak.
Cinderella is under a wicked stepmother. Seiichiro Kitano has gone to high school without a single friend and everyone confuses his no pupil eyes and pale face with the ones of a vicious drug addict. Peter has just lost uncle Ben or aunt May [whichever version]. Babe is away from her mother and all awaiting him is becoming ham. Randle McMurphy has given up his sanity in exchange of working his ass in prison… Ok. Maybe this one has no much to do with being hit by bad luck but meeting the nurse Ratchet is very bad fortune in my opinion[4].
FIGHTING AGAINST THE ODDS
As a bunch, this stories are all fighting against the system.
<<It represents the ability of the one over the many, the small over the large, the weak over the powerful, the “stupid” over the “smart.”>>
Ronald B. Tobias. 20 Master plots
Individual creativity against the savage capitalism… A person against a system looking at them as a nurturing derivate or our prejudiced notions of good looks. Anything set in the stone of status quo.
Once we have been given a taste of the before and after the bad luck hit, they will be given or discover a gift to fight the odds. The almond branch, the responsibility of a great power, a shepherd momma, a king sized Indian, a rival coward sempai that will end being their subordinated or a loving woman. Do you remember? The hero meets the allied.
Ready to become my ally with your like? What about being a lead character by leaving a comment about your favourite underdog plot?
Pasto kalo.
TO BE CONTINUED
[1] Spiderman is not a pure underdog plot. It is mix of superhero, hero quest and action plot
[2] In this genre, I will recommend the Chinese Mulan version. Quite realistic, not romantic oriented and super cool cause it is well told. I’ve watched it at least twice or thrice.
[3] Mybe writing blogs aboit how to write fiction? Nah, I’m not good enough yet.
[4] The director Milos Forman lived through or escaped a tanked repression by the communist regime (not sure which), thus this movie is the only one that ends really badly of the group I analyze.

Oh, they’re gone.
Time wasted,
Time left,
None around.
A lonely tree waiting for rain.

Y esta es una pregunta escabrosa… Escabrosa no porque en narratología el procedimiento para extraer al héroe de entre el texto resulte casi imposible. Digo, Mieke Bal menciona lo intuitivo (¿es definir al héroe un programa operativo?), los requisitos morales y la elección del lector… Bastante difícil cuando la trama principal es más aburrida que la secundaria[1].
EL HÉROE DE LOS MIL ROSTROS
Resulta todavía más escabrosa si pensamos que Joseph Campbell se aventó un libro completito para definir los mil rostros del héroe en un intento psicosocial o psicohistórico[2]?, de definir la figura del héroe como un marcador de rito social. Lo que me recuerda algo que dijo Hilary Mantel sobre la facilidad del medio narrativo del cine para indicar al héroe como con un reflector. “He aquí al héroe”.
¿No resulta un poco extraño que la narratología, que se dedica a analizar textos, no pueda encontrar al héroe de forma satisfactoria? Pensándolo bien… ¿Cuál es la construcción del héroe desde el punto de vista de la escritura creativa? ¿Un simple sujeto con el que simpatizar porque detesta que le hagan daño a los perritos[3]? ¿El ser que desea algo y al que estorbaremos con todo nuestro arsenal? ¿El ser que realiza todo un viaje de cambio?
Esto empeora. En Confesiones, de Minato Kanae, no hay un conflicto realmente establecido. La “heroína”, toma venganza de una forma un tanto compleja pero no existe ninguna dificultad mayor para que lo haga. Su novio se mete un poco pero; fuera del tiempo que tiene que esperar para que ambos asesinos descarrilen su propia existencia y del relato de este periodo sobre sus vidas… NO HAY UN CONFLICTO que escale. No hay un hombre “duro de matar” ni una espía lidiando con el calavera de su jefe más agencias gubernamentales. Es como si el héroe o heroína fuera un rubro específico que ya no existe. Ni siquiera parte de un género específico dado que el héroe/heroína puede existir en cualquiera de los géneros siempre que exista un algo que se oponga. O una función social de orden más elevado.
Sí esto sucede con el héroe, ¿qué demonios es el antihéroe?
IDENTIKIT DEL HÉROE
Mieke Bal propone que, a menos que exista una identificación clara y explícita por título o nombramiento que nos permitan tomar una decisión; hay que tomar en cuenta:
- Calificación: cumple con ciertos requisitos de apariencia, comportamiento y pasado. Algo como un tipo que tiene traumas sobre la muerte de sus padres en la calle y se viste de murciélago y es guapo y un playboy.
- Distribución: sale a cada rato en la historia y siempre en los momentos de crisis…
- Independencia: se le conceden monólogos y actividades en solitario.
- Función: es la única que puede HACER[4]. Es decir, nadie más puede arreglar el conflicto ni conjurar el hechizo que ayudará a Gran A’Tuin a reproducirse o cortar por lo sano con una vida de no aceptación a uno mismo. Y sí has leído Los cuentos de Tierra-mar de Ursula K. Leguin, entiendes a que me refiero con HACER.
- Relaciones: son los que más se pelean, charlan o conocen a la esposa del vicario del pueblo de al lado.
… ¿Cómo defines tú a la heroína? ¿Te gustaría convertirte en héroe general de este blog con un like? ¿Prefieres el anonimato de compartir enlaces?
Pasto kalo.
[1] Desde nuestro punto de vista. Recuerda que lo que no me gusta a mí, puede que te guste a ti y viceversa. Por eso es que resulta tan problemático proponer que sea el lector el que escoja al héroe. No obstante…
[2] La psicohistoria sin las matemáticas no existe como se la imaginó Asimov, pero tal vez la psicohistoria tiene más que ver con el tipo de narrativas con las que se nos manipula sin que lo notemos, que con la estadística.
[3] Acabo de debutar como lector beta… Sin comentarios.
[4] Hay libros que resultan decepcionantes para mí porque el héroe o heroína no hacen absolutamente nada. Todos a su alrededor hacen, menos ellos.
Grrr… ¿alguna otra tragedia menor?

Resulta que hoy borré con la almohada la entrada o no sé cómo le hice. Con los smartphones uno siempre descubre talentos ocultos como activar la cámara con el teléfono en la bolsa…
Ya tenía escrito el esqueleto pero borré la nota. A eso añadan que el flash drive donde tengo todo, le despegue el conector con el uso, justo el miércoles… ¿Cómo rescatar mis entradas de emergencia? ¿Mis plantillas de Illustrator para crear imágenes del blog? ¿Las miniaturas para YouTube?
Justo, escribir sobre la tragedia menor… Pasto kalo.
Inscribe yourself to Duolingo to learn a language. Seriously… the phrases used to teach languages are that strange that they seem sparklers by a random generator phrase app. Despite whatever grammatical usage they want to teach —since they will never teach you any grammar. Of course something good the app had to have, given the fact it is free, horribly oriented to translating more than actual learning and this ain’t advertising (why aren’t they paying me anything for this piece I wonder?[1]).
I mean, just with phrases as the following ones, one could write at least a good piece.
- Our egg. Is this a phrase by two birds speaking about their future chick? Is it an egg shared by two poor people that will end killing each other for it?
- He drinks black alcohol. Have you seen black alcohol? I haven’t… Maybe it is one of the magical concoctions J. K. Rowling forgot to add to the magical world of H.P.
- They (female elles) have a red dress. Do they lend it to each other? Doesn’t it belong to only one of them as it is more usual? Is it the dress of a theatre company? Is it a dress in a store?
- We eat a bar of butter. The whole package and single? No bread? What about cholesterol?! This seems possible in Alaska, where you need all the possible fat but… Have you eaten butter this way?
- Boys aren’t women … Tough in some cases this clearly needs clarification in mor of pure interest and gender pronoun sake, this admits a lot of LGBT+ discussion (asexuals and no binaries included).
- There are no mountains in the sea… (And the ones in the bottom? Have they been named with a different geographical denomination? I mean the rifts are cliffs but… You get it)
The police officer died at 9. This is quite good for a suspense or crime tale! Even as an excipit is delicious. What happened? Why?
See? If you’re out of ideas and desperate to break a writer’s block, use the app… No, I insist. This ain’t advertising (if you haven’t tried it I’m quite sure you’re already downloading it just to check if I’m crazy or looking up a YouTube-Tik tok to check it up). Why? Because in spite of my puss in boot eyes, Duolingo will treat this entry as nothing. After all, they haven’t commissioned it, it is not their blog and it sparkled in me the nonsense of writing how to use random nonsensical stuff to write fiction. For in Spanish, I don’t know if it happens the same in the target language; these are ridiculous and distract me from learning. * Every country’s reality, in particular those so far to be even known, can give sense to sentences that seem unintelligible to us. Like the joke of eating fried food with tteokboki sauce… This already too much philosophy for me.
[1] Must be I mention the bad points?

First I draw.
Second I think:
What else do I need?
A spell, I say.
Cats on top of his list.
I’m a single parent in need.
English for proton’s sake.
Otherwise, how do you speak?
Handy and fun,
Tall and lean…
Slanted black eyes, yes sir.
Honest and lively.
A man in the house[1]?
I back a bit on my needs.
Still. It’s time to be tamed.
Dear fox, I’m not a prince.
Princess? Not in a million years!
Plainly a witch.
Do you mind to be charmed?
[1] Fiction again… I don’t need a man, either in the house or wherever.