Wanting Ze (non serious yet short manual on how to write fiction application)

TWO VERSIONS
For demonstration purposes, and let me say this wasn’t the best tale I’ve written; I’m going to do the storytelling as if I were answering questions (or the bullets proposed to solve story creation from the last entry) and a second version; describing what’s happening.
IN CASE YOU DON’T REMEMBER OR DIDN’T READ THE AFOREMENTIONED ENTRY SINCE YOU LANDED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THIS NONSENSE BLOG
To create a story we need
- A character
- The character’s wanting or wish
- The thing helping the character from getting their wish
- The reaction or what the character does to beat such obstacle
- The result: they get their wish or they don’t: this can be twisted
WANTED ZE. Sketch idea
ZE is a female mosquito. She flies over a grassy field and her radar detects a very attractive (from her point of view) human. They smell like CO2. She buzzes, excited. She goes closer. Close up to the neck. Ze pushes her siringe but something isn’t working. She flies over, buzzing. General pan of the human body, as if taking things in perspective.
She goes closer to the legs. She can’t eat. She goes away. She comes back and lands on the man’s back. The six syringes in her nose go into the jacket. There’s a close up to miscroscopic level. Her proboscide isn’t long enough. Under the sweater there’s even more fabric. She tries to pull back her proboscide but one of the two saws gets stuck. She feels a breeze behind and then nothing. She is smashed.
I AM BORED NOW
Yes, it is kinda[1] boring but this is very simple model for a comic script in which you enumerate the things as they happen or will happen and won’t work as a tale[2].
SECOND VERSION (and this is going to be quite different to the one in Spanish since I write a little better than I did back then)
Zzzz buzzes, wings a blur, a zoom here, another there to avoid that higher grass. The blades drip dew and she must fly around, a drop falls too close. Ze is out of danger.
It is warmer there, it smells like CO2. She buzzes close to an ear, surrounds the body, yummy! Babies are in order after the meal… There’s no regret in not meeting them, she won’t know what happens after she lays them inside the pool.
This prey is a two legged one and in very deep in a corner of her mind, she knows they’re all very strange but tasty. No fur, tender skin and colour don’t matter, a warm meal. Time to dig in! The long superior limb, that’s the place to land…. Her palps taste something awful. She buzzes a storm around the head. She looks down over the hair at the top. The downer limbs should be. She lands on fibers. No! The food is there… very close.
She flies over again. Again, she buzzes a different storm. The other side of the side with the holes… Her legs feel soft skin. Yey! Her drinking Straw goes in… what’s this? It is a thin but thick fiver tissue and she can’t reach.
Pull back! Pull back! She is unable to. One of the saws is keeping her there. She moves to right, left, up. A breeze is coming from behind. Her composed eyes peer behind. Her organs are not where they should be. Light fades to black.
—Ugg! —A second individual that was overlooked by Ze in her reckon makes a disgusted face.
Which is better? Why?
Have fun doing this with your own fiction. Pasto kalo.
[1] If you’re trying to read as a tale….
[2] Big Choma could explain this better in person personally.


